Friday, November 1, 2013

Wild, beautiful October.

Wow.  Some months go by and most of the days are typical, the lessons learned are low key.  Not October.  October was a wild, eye opening, challenging, did I mention wild, month for me!  I may need the entire month of November to process all that happened.

In October ...

... I relived my zinester days and flipped through scraps of paper, comic books, and potential.

"Those bits and bobs that seem like scraps to some just might be the seeds that grow into something amazing, something cherished.

So, here's to the storytellers, the paper hoarders, the mothers frantically burning the midnight oil to create.  Here's to the artists and everyone everywhere cherishing the magic."

... faced my demons and did something brave, because the opportunity was too incredible not to in There and Back Again.

"Brave is not my thing.
Strong is not my thing.
Adventure is certainly not my thing.

Or, at least it wasn't.

Oh, sure, I wanted to be brave and strong and adventurous, and I was once upon a time, before I knew better.  Before I had more at stake.

But then depression came and I struggled so badly that even simple things like getting out of bed and going down into the kitchen to make my family breakfast seemed to take more courage than I had within me. All I could think about was all I had to lose, and in focusing on that I nearly lost everything anyway.

Depression does that, sneaks in and steals things away from you, makes you believe you weren't worthy of them in the first place."

... finished knitting a sweater for Amelia and bought a new knitting project bag.

"I started this in August, thinking about cooler Autumn days and how the Indiana weather changes by the hour this time of year.  I thought it would be nice to have a little something to keep in the diaper bag that I can add as a layer when we're out and about and she needs a little bit more warmth."

... we visited my parents' place in the country, searching for October treasures.

"The days are cooling off.  Soon it will be time for cocoa, the fireplace, wool socks, and extra blankets on the bed.  There have been years I dreaded the colder months, feeling cooped up instead of cozy, but after such an active and eventful year, this season I can't wait.

I'm ready.

It's time to turn inward and stay close to home.  We have one more big family trip to take and then, then friends it will be time to tend to the home fires for a while before the holiday season arrives."

... I cast on for a Color Affection shawl and blamed it on the beautiful Autumn leaves.

"At first I just picked out the yarn and then tucked it away in a project bag, telling myself I would wait until I had finished up more of the current projects on my knitting needles.
But you know how that story ends, don't you?"

... went to a conference on real light living and decided it was time to get dressed.

"I hope to share some of important things here with you in the future, after I sort them out a bit and mull things over and try to figure out exactly what they mean for me (how's that for vague-blogging?).  Others will have wise, spiritual, deep words to share about Allume.

I'm not searching those corners of my soul in my writing just yet.

But here's one completely unimportant but kind of telling truth I realized about myself this weekend:  I don't have enough clothes to get dressed for four days in a row.  

Say what?  No, it's true.  When I was packing for Allume and putting together outfits I realized that I don't have enough clothing to get myself dressed from head to toe every day for four days in a row.

Sad, right?"

... traveled with my family through five states for four days and didn't knit a single stitch (I know, I can't believe it either).

"I made a huge mistake last week.  Huge. I left the house without my knitting.  Not only that, I left my house on a five state road trip and I didn't bring my knitting. 5 states, 4 days, hundreds of miles ... and not a single stitch knit.

In the car, in hotel rooms, in between conference workshops, when sitting and chatting with friends ... I had no knitting.  My hands were idle.

Friends, it was like being naked in public."

In October, I also:

Yes, October was a month for stretching and growing and doing difficult things.  At times I was so scared, but now, with the benefit of perspective, I'm so happy that this nearly forty year old is finally learning how to spread her wings and soar.

(But, I'd settle for a little less adventurous November, please).

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